


Hold My Hand

by MissRosaDiaz



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 11:33:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16304393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRosaDiaz/pseuds/MissRosaDiaz
Summary: A series of flashbacks before Rosa & Gina broke up. ANGST! ! !The event takes place when Jake, Charles & Gina were taken as hostages on christmas.





	Hold My Hand

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. - nuff said. ALL FLASHBACKS ARE CENTERED 
> 
> @missrosadiaz

_Flashback_

 

 "Don't ever speak of us ever again."

Her threat felt like a sudden rejection, something that she’s thoroughly unable to accept or comprehend. "We're done, Gina. Goodbye." How could she defy the auburn haired female, after she had helped the detective with her daily tasks (work & non-work related) & wiped away her tears away when necessary? Why would Rosa ever disdain her, when she had ensured to speak in the mother tongue of honesty, rather than in that of poison she was used to?

Her heart fought a war against the fragility of her deeper emotion, a futile attempt at breaking free from this poignant cage of flesh & bones ; each beat hurts, each beat thundered across her breastbone like the howling of the tempest & in the same exact manner, _VIOLENCE_ bloomed within a ribcage that had become a garden of roses  & lilies, just for Rosa Diaz. How foolish! A graveyard of tragedies could never become anything else, anything pure, Gina was well aware of this.

"You're leaving me just because I was forced to try Charles' peculiar chowder?"

"It's not that, Gina."

"You can't leave me."

"What made you think I can't? I just did."

For a moment, the civilian administrator had the urge to tell the detective that she cannot leave her. For a moment, she wished that she could growl & terrify the latina more than anything else ever could in pursuance of easily winning her submission, in pursuance of effortlessly establishing her dominance over Rosa. Gina, a predator. Rosa, the prey.

But could she really do that? Could she really command her now seemingly 'ex lover' to remain here, against her will? Were Rosa, anyone else, Gina wouldn’t have hesitated: Burning was the price to pay for refusing her, for refusing all the hardship they had been through & all the sins that she could offer ‘pon the supple palms of her hands. But instead of exteriorizing what the BEAST inside longed for, the shorter female momentarily allowed quietude to reign over the expanse of her usually talkative & sardonic tongue; many thoughts pirouette within the confines of her currently dazed mind, albeit not as many as the ichorous feelings that make her heart ache with each beat it performs.

"Because you need me, Rosa, just as much as I need you. Even though, I wonder…"

Her response, quite poor in length but evidently embedded with painful significance, is promptly followed by a pause. Long, exhausting & frustrating. How will Rosa react, now? Will she accept Gina's challenge in pursuance of proving her wrong or will the latina allow her feelings to talk, instead? A step onwards is taken. Firm. Leisure. Void of grace, just like the movement of a porcelain doll.

"...Could you really leave me?"

 

\------------------------------------

 

 

"Quiet, you dumdum."

The Civilian Administator's plush tiers curled into a reverse crescent shape at the rather weak insult, at least it doesn’t really move anything inside Gina, other than in a form of an amused & silent chuckle that for a moment, she contemplates letting the unfriendly nudge slip without any remark that would express her distaste. the female detective’s face coming into view distracted Gina & pushed her earlier thoughts into the back of her mind, sometimes she was not sure how to feel about those pair of eyes of Rosa but she kept her uncertainty to herself. “What are you doing here? I can take everyone down myself with my flamethrower."

"What flamethrower?"

"I'm about to sneak out and get--"

"Shut up. I need to know where Jake & Charles are, how can they leave you alone here?" At the mention of the DYI flamethrower, a groan slipped from Rosa's thin lips and she didn't even try to hide the annoyed expression that settled on her tired features, quick arms steadying herself against the men's perfume section stand. Yet, in spite of this, Gina's words were unexpected to the latina. Gina was not scared at all; or at least she thoughts so.

"I wanna help them take down these peasants so I snuck out of the storage room they locked me in."

"Gina, what the hell were you thinking? You're not a--"

"A cop? Oh please, not this stuff again, everyone on the precinct rubs it in my face every now & then, it's infuriating! Why can't Terry just save me instead, why does it have to be you?" Gina protested in a whisper; angrily. The latina's gilded gaze remained settled ‘pon dainty features of the auburn haired female, as if truthfully inspecting the amount of courage the latter had with genuine interest - it was one of the reasons why the two of them got along so well. The detective attentively listened to each single word that fell ‘pon her ears, although she certainly did not expect that last query to be spoken as a quivering whisper, as a suffocated request for either confirmation or refusal.

"Just because we broke up doesn't mean I won't save your ass."

"Quit babying me! I can protect myself. I don't need to be saved, I never asked you to. Your face is the last thing I need to see right now."

"I don't have time for drama, Gina. I need to get you out of here then you can nag all you want, alright?" How could she ever judge someone else’s feelings, when she has always been utterly unable to comprehend her own in the first place? Or, to be more precise, it would be accurate to say that her field of knowledge usually involves impure & unholy sensations, beats of the heart that are far from what one would poetically describe as Love; a soft sigh escaped from the barely widened gap betwixt glossy tiers & finally, after a brief moment of silence had fallen upon the two women, Rosa redirected her attention towards Gina, whose facial features evidently betrays what she’s currently feeling deep within her heart.

"Just in case we die, I love you still." Rosa muttered lowly, finally fishing out for her gun before taking a peek of the area they were about to sneak in. For far longer than Gina considers pleasant, has Rosa's absence haunted her fatigued heart, painfully reminding her of just how fleeting bonds can truly be. Instead of allowing her joy to chime like silver bells, the secretary tightly pressed her glossy tiers together, thus suffocating any delighted sound that might have otherwise betrayed her deceitfully stoic demeanor: she has missed Rosa so much, to the point of harboring anger towards the detective for her sudden request of cutting ties after 4 years of relationship, for leaving her behind without a word or a warning about her future plans. What if something had happened to Rosa? What if the latina needed Gina but she couldn’t reach out for her? Many possibilities had been nurtured by fear, hope & each one had become yet another thorn to pierce through the muscle flesh of her tired heart in pursuance of making it bleed, over & over again.

Gina will not succumb to the happiness of Rosa's confession that easily, even if the older female will have to violently bite her own lips in pursuance of hindering certain words from being spoken, certain feelings from being vocalized.

_I love you too._

"You don't, Rosa. Love is a very vague concept. Perhaps, if it truly was love, it would have lasted & you wouldn't have left me so coldly." It was so unlikely Gina to say such things but it had been one of the thoughts overcoming her mind ever since the hostage taking took place; maybe when Rosa answered her with a firm "Yes." over to her question if she could really leave Gina, it did sting - forever, it will. "Just do your job so I can get you off my sight."

 

 

\--------------------------

 

_Flashback_

 

 

Quietly, Rosa settled her head down on Gina's lap. Her pair of doe eyes gazed up curiously at the younger's dainty features. "Hi, will you play with my hair?" She muttered lowly; in their relationship, Gina learned how the detective had this unsaid rule that they never spoke of - her love for holding hands whenever Rosa gets sleepy or sick. "I'm sleepy."

"Alright, come here, sleepy head. Just make sure you're not sick." Gina didn't bother protest; it's another argument the latina would win anyway. The latter's immediate response earned a slight eye roll from Rosa. She wasn't trying to be cute or such, but the warmth of her lover's hand always helped her relax; it makes her feel reassured that she's just there - safe, even if she's asleep. Truth be told, she just wanted to spend time with her little brat. Gina hasn't been around much & now that she's here, Rosa wanted to selfishly monopolize all her time.

"Yeah, yeah. Just play with my hair, dumdum." Her bright eyes fluttered shut upon the delicate contact to her hair. A faint, pleased hum emitted briefly. "I love you, Regina."

"God, if you call me that again--"

"Shh, someone's trying to sleep."

"How dare you?" Gina landed her gaze over to her surprisingly timid lover. She knew Rosa wasn't listening by now, earning a soft chortle from her lips. Her eyes softened at the adorable sight of the latina taking a nap. Lifting a delicate hand, the woman gingerly brushed Rosa's fringe to the side, further tucking a lock of her silky trestles behind her ear as her other hand was stuck in a tight lock with Rosa's hand.

 

 

\----------------------------------------

 

_Flashback_

 

The detective that bowed to no one, bends her knee to the woman standing in front of her. A box was held then, up for her to look upon the eight carat pink diamond ring carefully nestled. It is, probably, worth five luxury cars but that’s not the point - Rosa knew if she wanted to propose to a soul such as Linetti's it should be grand.

The words, the dreaded words Rosa’s restrained herself from pronouncing are there, at the tip of her tongue, and the detective reminded herself that she is, indeed, the only one who can do this. She was deeply enamoured towards her lover & she wouldn't any hindrance to come in between them.

“Shut up & listen because I will not repeat this. I will not be sorry for being honest, for once in my life and actually…”

Do it.

“…say that…”

A pause.

“I love you.”

There. The worst part is out. Killing the whole world in a week would have been easier, but confronting her fear of being rejected was definitely the most crucial moment of her entire life. A child that grew of tough love taught her to become the emotionless woman she was right now. The real danger out there is to give yourself to another human being.

“Will you… marry me?”

At the sight of the small red velvety box, Gina stiffened in place & her heart beat picked up. No, that couldn’t be what she thought it was. Rosa Diaz? For real? However, the moment her lover began to kneel, Gina’s voice caught in her throat and the thumping in her ribcage accelerated to the point she thought it just may jump out of her chest. A hand was placed over her chest in a vain attempt to calm it down.

Her attention went to what was inside the box. Possibly the most beautiful ring she ever laid eyes on was perched a silk cushion.

_I love you too._

While Gina already knew the other felt the same way, this was the first time those words have passed through the detective's lips. Her answer was already chosen. There was no one else she could imagine herself being with in this life or the next. Her mind, body, and soul all belonged to this detective right here. The woman parted her lips, her voice finally returned to her.

“Yes. Yes I’ll marry you.” Minding the box in Rosa's hands she all but threw herself in her arms. “I love you so much.”

Gina could remember that in that exact moment, Rosa started asking for her hand - literally whenever the detective would end up sleeping or napping. Rosa always wanted to do it but never had the guts to do so until now.

 

\-------------------------------

 

_Flashback_

 

Different. It was all so different that Gina was not used to it.

Regina - Gina - didn't let people in easily as much as possible. While they can enter her living space, be her friends, have a number of moments with her, only a few had that privilege of being let in past her defenses & fronts. There was /someone/ who broke her down to somebody she never knew she could be, another /someone/ ~~_[Jake]_~~ who she can consider as her closest friend, and she who simply made her understand that it was not only women who can mark her heart with their presence. There was also /someone/ who made her realize that she had walls up in the first place, and had slowly gotten her to try and let people in after all the pain that kept her shut.

But Rosa was /nothing/ of these people. She was… different.

While she had her fill of gentle touches or warm remarks, friendly & mocking mannerisms & heart-stopping smiles - mostly coming from those people she let in - there was an indescribably distinct weight of difference when it came from the badass detective so close to her that moment. Just the sound of her rare chuckles & soft laughter was enough for Gina's chest to tighten simply because she was holding her breath - as if she was hanging on to Rosa's next peal of laughter, to the next word she'll say, the next thing she'll do. And it was freaky how Gina already felt this way after a single night, when it took somebody else so long to reach the same state.

Was this what they call as being smitten? _Enamoured?_

Was this love at first sight?

Funny how that last thought immediately sent a pang of feeling to her chest but she had to put up a facade to hide it away.

Diaz was way too different - very scarily like the whirlwind she had been describing in her words, nothing of the usual people she encountered, and someone who had been so easily worming into her system.

_Into her heart._

She had probably already let Rosa in… and she was past Gina's borders fully even before she could realize.

Because if it wasn't so, then why was she so damn /comforted/ when Rosa pulled her even closer? Why would she feel better at her words? Why would her body almost instinctively hold Rosa close as well when she kissed the top of her head - one of her arms wrapping around Rosa's frame effortlessly?

If she had not let the latina in yet, then why was it so easy for her to look up at the detective in the silence and - despite the fear and uncertainty still swimming in her veins - just bring her forehead once more to settle against Rosa's?

_Regina knew she had lost._

There was no use for the questioning.

Because this woman who screamed "different"… Gina already let her in.

And all too willingly; with her hands intertwined together with Rosa's.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

 

"No, no. no!" Gina's voice beamed all over the store, her desperate cries followed up as she violently shook her head at the crimson liquid oozing out of Rosa's right-most stomach. The detective never looked so pale before. "Rosa, you can't die on me!" Gina desperately begged. And her heart almost stopped for a beat when just gazing into Rosa's tired eyes alone calmed her almost completely.

"Stay with me, Ro-ro."

"I'm sorry I left you."

"No, it's okay, just stay with me, Rosa, please."

And despite the pain still in her features, Rosa smiled at the other female."They were judging you too much, I couldn't bare for you to hear what my parents said."

"Shush, Rosa! Stop talking, you're bleeding!" Gina screamed before calling out for Jake's name in a devastated manner.

 

"Gina..."

 

"I told you to sto--"

 

"I'm sleepy, hold my hand."


End file.
